A nun, a priest, and a lawyer on board a sinking ship. the nun says woman and children first! the Lawyer says fuck the children, and the priest says "do we really have time?"
a 10 year old boy goes to the red light district of his local town seeking a prostitute. He arrives at a chain of motel rooms with hookers in them. he knocks on the first door and the prostitute opens the door and asks "How can i help you little boy?" The little boy looks up to her as asks her "Skuse me misss do you have herpies? and the hooker says "No little boy i dont" he says thank you and moves down the chain of rooms asking the same question and getting the same responce. one of the hookers called down to the last room and told her that this little boy was looking for a girl with herpies and that she could take care of him. Finaly the 10 year old boy arrived at the last room and the prostitute opened the door and said "i hear you been looking for a girl with herpies. Do you have herpies little boy?" and the little boy shakes his head no and she asks "then why do you want herpies if you dont already have it?" the little boy said " well if i had sex with you i will get herpies, then i will go home and have sex with the baby sitter and she will get herpies and she will have sex with my dad and he will get herpies, and he will have sex with my mom and she will get herpies and she will have sex with the postman and he will get herpies, and he's the same mother fucker who stepped on my frog this morning."
those are just very few jokes i know. organ told me to post so heres just a tidbit.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Deer Hunt
1:00 am - Alarm clock rings
2:00 am - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
3:00 am - Leave for the deep woods
3:15 am - Back home to pick up gun
3:30 am - Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent
4:00 am - Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:30 am - Set up camp
6:05 am - Head for the woods
6:06 am - See eight deer
6:07 am - Take aim and squeeze the trigger
6:08 am - CLICK
8:00 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
9:00 am - Head back to camp
12:00 NOON - Fire gun for help--eat wild berries
12:15 pm - Run out of bullets--eight deer come back
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 pm - Rescued
12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 pm - Arrive back at camp
3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets
4:01 pm - Load gun--Leave camp again
5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you
6:00 pm - Arrive at camp--see deer grazing in camp
6:01 pm - Load gun
6:02 pm - Fire gun
6:03 pm - One dead pick-up
6:05 pm - Hunting partner arrives in camp dragging deer
6:06 pm - Repress desire to shoot hunting partner
6:07 pm - Fall into fire
6:10 pm - Change clothes--throw burned ones onto fire
6:15 pm - Take pick-up, leave hunting partner and his deer in camp
6:25 pm - Pick-up boils over--hole shot in block
6:26 pm - Start walking
6:30 pm - Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 pm - Meet bear
6:36 pm - Take aim
6:37 pm - Fire gun, blow up barrel--plugged with mud
6:38 pm - Mess pants
6:39 pm - Climb tree
9:00 pm - Bear leaves. Wrap *$%!@#$% gun around tree
Midnight - Home at last
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks